I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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