all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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