This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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