if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
