my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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