sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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