do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
