yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
