I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
