i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
