Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
