He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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