Plan B is the new Plan A
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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