last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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