in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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