He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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