he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
