So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
