I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He passed out mid-signature
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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