you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
