He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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