the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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