This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
