A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
