Where is the hickey?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
