She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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