In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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