my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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