Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
