Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize