well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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