I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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