I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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