im gay
i know
yea but for you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
