took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
