I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
