he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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