So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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