Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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