if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize