So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
