i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
