Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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