my sisters under your porch take her home
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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