So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When are your genitals available?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
