hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize