Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
