Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
