Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
