I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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