You made me cry and you don't even care
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize