mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Enjoy the penises
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
