I accidentally had phone sex last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
