I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found your dick twin last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
