Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
