so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
