The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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