check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
