I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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