id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Randomize
