This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
