I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
