we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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