SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
