Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
