It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
