So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
