i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
