Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
